Christian, Emma Jean, and Lincoln taking a break on our Tuesday wilderness walk.
Thomas Hirschhorn
My teenage daughter’s reaction was telling: Immediately drawn to one of Thomas Hirschhorn’s collaged “Tattoo†series, which resembled nothing so much as a high school kid’s binder cover with its repeating skull and crossbones stickers and obsessive doodles in blue and red ink over collaged bodies, she stood there contemplating the six large squares arranged in a grid; and suddenly her expression went morphed from barely interested to intensely horrified. I imagine it was about there that she noticed the headless, mutilated body twisted in a field, or perhaps she realized that she was staring at repetitive tits and ass emerging from the background as her eyes became adjusted to the onslaught of visual information. Telling too that, despite her distaste, she could not pull herself away, but had to scan the other images first. Discontent, indeed – Hirschhorn conjures the glossy ease with which pop culture distracts us from seeing disturbing atrocities happening in Iraq. This, in a group show that included paintings by Lari Pittman and ceramic work by Andrew Lord (Regen Projects, West Hollywood)
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Refining my Housewifely Skills
I didn’t grow up eating many beans, other than soy, mung, and red – wait, I DID grow up eating beans, just not in the Western sense of a pot of bean soup. The soy beans were in tofu or cooked with soy sauce to make kongjaban, mung beans were sprouted, or ground to make patties (like falafel), and the red beans were sweetened and added to pastries. See what I mean? Koreans like to add red bean paste to their ICE CREAM. (Got two cans in the pantry if you want to try some.)
I am now trying to add one bean dish to our menu every week – and so far, so good. The cookbook, The Bean Bible, which I just got from the library, is helping. Bella actually liked the Greek Lentil Soup I made! Luckily I made a double batch.
Greek Lentil Soup (from The Bean Bible, but slightly tweaked)
1 pound (2 cups) dried brown lentils
8 cups (2 quarts) chicken stock (made my own with the bones from our roast)
2 cups chopped onions
1 cup diced carrots
1 cup sliced celery
1/2 cup tomato sauce (I used a large can of pureed tomatoes)
1/2 cup olive oil
1 tbs oregano (preferably Greek)
salt and freshly ground pepper
1/4 cup red wine vinegar or fresh lemon juice (two lemons) (I used the lemon juice)
1. Boil the lentils in the stock for one hour.
2. Add the rest, except the lemon juice. Here, I sauteed the veggies in the olive oil, before tossing them in.
3. Cook for 30 more minutes or until the lentils are tender and the soup is slightly thickened.
4. Just before serving, stir in the lemon juice.
Christian liked the carrots out of this soup.
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Welcome to This Side of the Womb
Three's a fun crowd.
I come from a family of three and my mother never tires of telling of the same anecdote of how busy she was: Once my sister was born, she didn’t get a hot cup of coffee for four years. Meaning, that she’d make herself a cup of coffee, sit down, and then hear a screech or hoot or holler, and have to run to take care of one of us. By the time she got back to the kitchen, her coffee was always stone cold.
She also likes to remind me that in those days, she got rid of everything but the furniture, washed the floors every night, and gave us free rein over the apartment during the day. Extreme baby-proofing for what she considered extreme circumstances.
And even though we sounded like we were hell on wheels, I always thought that THREE kids was the ideal number of kids to have. More specifically, three kids close in age – because damn, we threw a good party, all combined, when we were in high school. (The 200+ people that showed up wore the wax right off the family room floor and we got into heaps of trouble for that one.)
Well, that wasn’t to be for me. I got two kids. And two kids, so far apart in age, that I might as well be raising only kids serially.
So imagine my delight when my friend Sierra announced that she was pregnant with her third. I already enjoy the heck out of her first two kids – and Sierra’s game for practically anything I want to do – and now I can experience having three kids vicariously through her!
Welcome Oliver Lee Malnove. (born at home March 4, 2009 at 7 pounds 10 ounces)Â Can’t wait until you can join us at the Huntington Gardens!
Oliver's placenta print
Diaper-Free Mentor Application
As if I weren’t already busy enough, I’ve decided to become a diaper-free mentor. The local mentor in Orange County will be moving to Utah in the next month, leaving a supportive, active yahoo group network, but with no mentor.
In any case, I think the turnover for diaper-free mentors is pretty fast. One of the 15-month babies in the group has started signaling (in sign language) when she needs to go, and another little 20-month boy is now 100% diaper-free during the day. Meaning, that the families who practice elimination communication, don’t need to practice it for very long!
So, I’ll be a link in the community chain and keep a sharp look-out for the next mom to step up.
I’m posting the application here along with my answers.
Child 1: Bella
Gender: Female
Age: 15
Child 2: Christian
Gender: Male
Age: 9 months
Questions:
At what age(s) did you start EC with your child(ren)?
I started EC with Christian when he was three months old.
Was the first child with whom you practiced EC your first child?
No. When Bella was a baby, I had never heard of elimination communication.
What method of backup do you use, if any (i.e.: cloth diapers, disposable diapers, training pants, or no diapers)?
We use mostly cloth diapers. When we are home and it is warm enough, we use cloth diapers without a waterproof cover.
When we go out for long car drives, or for the day in the city where bathrooms are scarce, we use disposable diapers.
At night we use cloth diapers without a cover, and he sleeps on top of a lambskin.
Would you describe your practice as full-time, part-time, or occasional? Please explain.
I consider myself a full-time EC-er, although we are definitely not diaper-free, because I never intentionally ignore a pee-signal. We offer him potty opportunities around the clock: during the day, probably once an hour and in the morning more than that. Even when he is in disposables, we offer as many potty opportunities as we are able. I put Christian in disposables (which I think impedes EC somewhat) when we go out for three reasons:
1. We are more likely to miss when we are out and bathrooms are hard to find (but we do carry a baby potty in the trunk).
2. Disposables are easier to put on while the baby is standing on the edge of the sink – in those many public bathrooms that have no changing table.
3. Christian already hates the car, so I try doubly hard to avoid ever having him sit in a wet cloth diaper in the car seat.
Do you practice EC at night? If so, how long have you been doing nighttime EC?
Yes, we practice EC at night. We started probably when he was about four months old, when I realized that he was waking up and whimpering because he had to go pee, not because he had to nurse. He is comforted when he gets encouragement to release and pee, and falls back asleep easily without having to be nursed. Since he would wake up from his wet diaper and need to be changed, it was just as easy for me to pee him as comforting him after a wet diaper change.
Our nighttime EC practice has gone through many phases, from all catches to all misses. We have been struggling with finding a way for him to pee without him or me waking up too much. Right now we use a potty by the side of the bed with a cozy on it. I bring the potty up to the bed when he needs it. He usually continues to nurse while sitting on the potty, but when he’s peeing he just holds my nipple in his mouth and then resumes nursing and/or simply drops back to sleep.
How would you describe EC to a friend who has never heard of it?
I usually refer to third world or native cultures where babies are constantly worn – without diapers. How the mothers can feel the baby fuss and simply lift the baby up and away to pee.
EC is where he and I work together with increased communication to help him eliminate in the potty. It’s a way of not ignoring his signals; not repressing his instinctual need to let somebody know that he has to go to the bathroom.
How have you dealt with the harder times of ECing?
I’ve found that I need to not be so hard on myself.  I would love to really be DIAPER-FREE, but I still wash almost as many diapers as I did before – simply because I now change him after every single elimination, while before, each wet diaper probably represented 3-4 pees.
The local diaper-free support group has been a great source of support. The moms there always have lots of ideas and suggestions for alternative ways to handle an issue.
Also, I just continue forward. As with many parenting issues of the early years – everything changes with just a little time, since the baby is growing so quickly in developmental awareness.
What do you consider EC success?
When Christian is delighted to pee in the toilet or his potty and is clearly relieved afterwards. Or when he stirs in his sleep, pees, and then drifts back to sleep peacefully. We love catches!
I consider our deeper bonding and understanding to be an important EC success.
What has been your ultimate goal with EC?
My main concern is not to repress his already existing awareness of his own elimination, so that when he is able to physically go the bathroom by himself, he doesn’t have to be “trained.”
I love the idea of using less resources by using less diapers – if not in the immediate present, then in the future when he “potty-trains” early.
The bonding between us has been an unexpected benefit. I feel that I know him better than I would have without practicing EC. It’s as if a whole arena of communication had been closed off to be me before.
Is there anything about EC that does not work for you, or with which you disagree? Please explain.
My local diaper-free group supports moms all along the spectrum of EC. Judgment about not having enough catches was the only thing I would disapprove of, but that has not been an issue.
Have you ever attended a DiaperFreeBaby meeting? If so, please briefly describe your experience.
I’ve attended a half dozen meetings and planned a few playdates too, to help support the lone mentor in Orange County. The first meeting I went to was to make baby legs, and the mentor let us use her serger. That was fun and productive. I’ve been surprised though, at how few moms attend the meetings.
I enjoy the meetings where we have a focus or project planned best. Otherwise it’s easy to get off-topic and start talking about life in general, and leave the meeting without ever having mentioned your own EC practice. (Not to say that I don’t enjoy just getting to know these other EC moms!)
Do you have any questions or concerns about DiaperFreeBaby?
Not right now.
Why do you want to be a DiaperFreeBaby Mentor? What do you how to accomplish?
I’m a natural teacher and communicator and I seem to always want to be passing information along; I’ve been a La Leche League leader, a public school teacher, and blogger, and this seems to be the right avenue for me to express my enthusiasm for EC while supporting other moms. I want to be sure that moms who are even remotely interested in EC have access to real-live EC practicing moms and conversational tidbits of advice.
Finally, it supports my own EC practice to continue to read and discuss EC with others.
We could always use help with the many ongoing projects we have. What skills or experience do you have that would enable you to contribute to some of our projects (for example: copywriting, graphic design, legal, fundraising, etc)?
I am a freelance writer, and I’d like to write about elimination communication in a few of the local parenting magazines. I also intend to propose a feature article to Mothering Magazine.
Please read the Mentor/Volunteer Agreement on the DiaperFreeBaby website and indicate your agreement to abide by it below?
Yes. Absolutely.
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A Foot in Both Worlds
Last week I looked at my phone and didn’t recognize the background picture. It looked like a blurred line running up the center of the screen – like somebody had accidentally taken a photo of the table edge.
As I typically do when anything on my phone is changed, I yelled for Bella and asked her if she knew anything about it. She informed me that it was a picture of her forearms pressed together.
As she walked away, she breezily said, “It’s supposed to look like a butt crack.”
Goofy girl. She may look like she’s growing up, but she’s still a kid at heart. We cuddled up and watched Lost last night – and yup, she still needs everything explained to her…
(I still haven’t gotten around to changing the pic – I’m walking around with a representation of a butt crack on my phone! If it were actually an interesting image I might bother to post it, but it’s not.)
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A Waldorf Classroom
I am starting a Waldorf Parent-Toddler Group that will be meeting weekly.
I know that Christian hardly qualifies as a toddler, but I see it as a part of my own Waldorf education – and the building of a network of like-minded families for us. And a weekly playgroup of gentle singing and imaginative play will nurture Christian, even as an observer (at first), and the information is also helping to direct my many choices as a parent. There was interest in my attachment parenting group and I am using that interest as an impetus to rediscover Waldorf philosophies.
In my efforts to get informed, I have been meeting with early education Waldorf teacher Devana Came, who will be teaching a pre-school and hosting a parent-toddler group from her home in Corona starting in the fall of 2009. (If you are interested in that, you can contact her directly at soblessedby3@verizon.net) She has been a wonderfully generous support. In fact, we’ve only met twice, but I feel as though I’ve been through some kind of intensive Waldorf training!
The playgroup will follow the format that she uses (as closely as we can manage) and I posted those notes here.
And while her classroom is still under construction (the walls will be painted in washes of watercolor and the floor will be bamboo – everything is green in this room), she let me take a few pictures. You’ll get the idea of what a sweet, imaginative place space this will be with all its wooden, open-ended toys.
If I had the means, I would create a room identical to this for Christian. In fact, I am going to start making and collecting as many of the things pictured as possible (as Devana has).
A classic Waldorf playspace - covered with a rainbow silk. I think the stands can be made easily.
Each toy has its own space, and many are objects like seashells and pine cones collected from nature. The bottom two baskets are filled with blocks made from sections of tree trunks and branches. Another basket is filled with silks and another with simply carved wooden animals and figures.
Another basket is filled with trees and wooden houses and buildings. Devana made most of these trees herself by tracing one that she had purchased!
Devana and her husband made this beautiful play kitchen. I've seen (and coveted) kitchens like this one for $350. I have got to learn how to use a saw...
Unfortunately, my camera ran out of battery while I was shooting these pics, but I want to mention a toy that made an impression on me. It was a heavy wooden block in the shape of a house or a building, with just the barest dark smudges for windows and doors. There were no straight lines or right angles (in the anthroposophical way), and the wood itself had a lovely heft and fit perfectly in the hand. It was a lovely object, handmade and completely unique. It made me want to hunker down and surround it with a little play forest – it was incredibe how much I could feel my imagination being ignited. And that house had belonged to Devana’s mother as a child!
P.S. Here is a glimpse of the beautiful finished classroom.
P.P.S. Click here to read my Waldorf Toddler/Parent Playgroup Framework.
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Waldorf Playgroup Framework
Waldorf Playgroup Framework
(with Devana Came’s Guidance)
Important points
• Create a breathing-type (in-and-out) rhythm to the activities overall. An animated/vigorous activity followed by something gentle/calming. The same rhythm should be created within each activity too.
• Sing, sing, and sing! Instructions, transitions between activities, or for example sing “It’s time to watch our hands.â€
• Songs are sung on the pentatonic scale (a scale that is easily imitated by children). Most songs are very simple and can be made up as needed.
• The adults rarely speak directly to the children, but rather communicate by singing and modeling behaviour to the whole group.
• Children learn from imitating adults actions. All parents (not just the teacher) need to be conscious of what they are doing at the playgroup. The children will follow suit.
• The playgroup normally runs for about two hours.
• Each child brings a fruit to contribute to the fruit bowl snack.
• The Teacher or the hosting parent is supported by a parent assistant (who will be the hosting parent for the following week).
Format
– Children arrive 15 mins before the official start time to have time to let out some energy (run around outside, say hi to friends etc.)
– Opening Circle (10-15 mins depending on age)
– Free Play (30-40 mins)
– Clean up
– Hand washing
– Snack time
– Outside time
– Story time (10-15 mins)
– Free play (0-15 mins)
– Closing Circle
Activity Details
Opening Circle: The children are sung into the Circle by the host, so that there is an intentional beginning to the playgroup. Using the breathing approach, alternate songs with movements with quieter songs. Activities at this time are seasonal.
Opening Up Room: Play equipment and toys should be covered (i.e. with sheets) until it is time for the children to use them. Invite the children to help uncover the toys. Note: Anything that is not intended for play, books on shelves, TV’s, computers, should remain covered. Sheets can be purchased at a thrift store and plant-dyed a neutral color. The sheets can be passed from hosting parent to hosting parent.
Playtime: Always the longest activity. Parents can be doing Waldorf inspired crafts at the same time, which will keep them from overly interfering with the free play. Children are free to observe and be involved. The Assistant will be preparing the snack (cutting the fruit) at this time in the same room as the children. Have plastic knives and spare bread board available for the children to assist if they want. Keep play equipment simple:Â a basket of shells, another of silks, a dolls corner etc.
Clean up:Â Signal it is time to finish playing and clean-up with a song. Such as the Dusting Gnome Song.
Hand washing: The Assistant oversees the clean up.. Have two buckets: one with soapy water, another with clean water. The children wash their hands with assistance as necessary. A towel is there for them to dry their hands.
Snack time: The host will sing the children to the snack table with a Welcome to the Table song.
The group sings a (non-religious) food blessing (i.e. Earth that gives us… Sun who makes it….). The food is not put on the table until the blessing song has been sung.
Outside Time: The children are free to leave the table when they have finished eating and go outside to play. The assistant cleans up and puts away any toys. Parents should be outside with the children so the host and assistant can prepare for the following activities.
Story time: The teacher sings the children in for story time. The children sit in front of the Teacher, but behind a long rainbow silk or scarf. The story is always spoken (not read). Make the story visual by using props for landscapes (sheets, silks etc), puppets, logs and rocks etc. Use the same story for a number of weeks. Appropriate stories include Grimm’s tales and stories like The Little Red Hen. Devana has a list we can use. Note: many of the parents’ Waldorf craft activities will revolve around creating figures and props for imaginative story-telling.
Free Play: May include tactile activities like the food play game (making a pizza or soup on the children’s backs) or “Row, Row, Row the Boat†using a sheet for water and the children getting on the boat. Use creative props. Depending on the time this second free play can be skipped or lengthened as necessary.
Closing Circle: We could use a long silk or similar material to create a bridge for the children to go under as they leave the room (to go home or to play outside informally). Sing to the children as they leave “Good bye, good bye, blessings to you…â€Â Have the same routine every time so the children know it is time to go and formal activities have ended.
See pictures of Devana’s Waldorf classroom-in-progress here.
A close-up of one of Devana's nature tables.
Click here to see a planning sheet based on this framework.
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Letter to Christian at 9 months
Chowing down on lots of free naan at the art reception at Crafts and Arts Museum on Wilshire (and clothed shoulder-to-toe in Flann hand-me-downs).
Dear Sir Stands-a-lot,
This month has been all about moving about; even though you are still army crawling, you’ve decided to skip the proper crawl and move right into standing and cruising while standing. And heck, why not? You can reach so much more that way.
For a week or so you were content to get set up right at the base of the armchair, or at the edge of the bed. Sometimes you lost your balance, and with one hand still holding on, you would slam sideways into the floor with a loud thump. I was often chided for not making a safety zone of pillows around you.
I sometimes set you up just outside the kitchen door with a few toys and you would stand holding the seat of a small wooden child’s chair for support. We’d been doing this for days, when suddenly I looked up and you were gone. You’d taken it upon yourself to use the wall to expand your territory. You even negotiated the corner of the dining area and moved down the hallway. Once you got to Bella’s door you stopped and did what you must have seen me do a thousand times: knocked and yelled, Bella!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIH3X9HhBxE]
Right now you are sleeping on the bed behind me. We never got around to putting the mattress on the floor. Instead we’ve been concentrating on teaching you to turn around and slide off feet first. So far you’ve only fallen off twice (total). Your naps continue to be on the short and frequent; although you seem to have dropped your 4th nap. It’s been harder getting you to fall asleep. As your awareness of the world around you grows, you are less willing to leave it, even momentarily, for the world of dreams. Luckily, in a pinch, your dad can still put you to sleep by rocking out with the playlist he created for you.
You can't fight it.
We’ve been using some sign language with you, but of course you’ve started with the classic first: the wave. It started with a salute, arm raised, to any person or animal approaching, and now that arm flaps, and sometimes even your fingers wiggle. You are very pleased when people wave back. It’s that whole action and reaction thing. You really love it when you bang on a table and the adults around you join in for a party-style table-banging session, like they did at your Auntie Corrina’s birthday dinner.
At the Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens (in the Chinese or Japanese section? They all look they same to me. Ha ha.)
And like your older sister before you, you’re a real trooper about traveling, especially when it does not involve the car seat. You’ve spent many days in the Beco carrier I got for Christmas: hiking local trails, walking from gallery to gallery, and even – when you’re on my back – swiffering and vacuuming the house. How did we manage before the Beco?
I think your nightly bath with your dad is your favorite part of the day.
(Routine: I shower alone, then you and your dad jump in as I’m exiting. I dry off, lotion up, get three diapers going, and get your sheepskin under the covers, then I get you. You get a pajama shirt – smurf shirt from Nu is a favorite these days – and then the lights go off and I sing and nurse you to sleep.)
You remain very jolly, in no small part because your dad loves to make you laugh. I also think you’re just a sociable kind of guy who likes a good time. Here’s you in the tub with Daddy having a laugh. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LM1b1AFgoBU]
Posted in Christian Holden
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